Today, I had a mini-breakdown, I began to doubt that God truly loves me. In my head, if He loves me, He should answer my prayers, He should hear me out. I have a list of about 5 things right now that I’ve been praying to God for since March and I’m really feeling the pressure from outside for those needs to be met, but I’ve not seen any positive response yet.
I’ve cried, prayed, spoken the word and believed and nothing really changed. Sometimes (ooops, many times) I tell God that I’m angry at Him and that I will never pray to Him again because He doesn’t hear me.
During the time I was crying today because of what I wanted God to do that had not been done, I began to remember all the other things that I had prayed for that are still pending and I got angrier at God. At a point, I began to tell God that it was hard but I still wanted His love to cover me. So I was trying to wipe my tears and praying to God to help me.
It was a crazy moment for me and for a second, I felt I couldn’t trust God anymore, and as much as I don’t understand, somehow the thing worked. I’ve been praying for Him to root me in His love and I guess I’m in the process. All thanks to God!
Be careful—watch out for attacks from Satan, your great enemy. He prowls around like a hungry, roaring lion, looking for some victim to tear apart. 9 Stand firm when he attacks. Trust the Lord; and remember that other Christians all around the world are going through these sufferings too. 1 Peter 5:8-9 (TLB)