My silly Relationship Story: He was Emotionally abusive

Hey guys, thanks for coming here to read these stories every time. Today’s story isn’t hilarious or exciting. It is one of the realities of our world. “Hurting people would always hurt others”.

Hmmmm this is one relationship experience I won’t forget in a hurry. I met this cool guy through a very close friend of mine, although it wasn’t love at first sight, I wanted us to be friends and get to know each other because I don’t like rushing things. But you see, this dude didn’t want that. I can remember our first conversation it was so obvious he wanted something more.

You know a girl gats notice, his manner of approach towards me became more warm and so loving and I had to tell him heeeeey we are not dating yet and the next thing was he apologizing that he was sorry he didn’t come out plain with what he wanted. He popped the question “will you make me the happiest man on earth?” (well not will you marry me?). It felt so good to be wooed like a lady and I was impressed that he asked me out the real way withouth sending mixed signals (call me ‘ol fashioned ).

But (a lady must be a lady!)  I told him let’s take things one step at a time but he seemed to be an “action guy” so he was super elated and I went with the flow. The relationship was amazing. He was open and honest but I noticed that we were going to have a problem because my spiritual life out weighed his. I asked him about church service a few times and from his reply it was obvious he didn’t go to church. I kept calm because I didn’t want to become mom number two.

Shockingly, in my bid to not mother him, he turned out being the mother. He knew I was in school and I had to keep developing myself which meant my schedule was really tight. I managed my time and tried to make our relationship a priority but he was never satisfied, he nagged about anything and everything. There was one time he blew things out of proportion just because of network problems and said hurtful things to me. He accused me of being uncaring and insensitive. He played the victim and acted like he was the only one that put effort into the relationship. I explained and told him that it was the crappy network and I wasn’t the only one affected, that even my female friends could testify. You know how painful it is for a man you love to try to turn things against you and not listen to you at all.

Well we settled that episode until one day I would never forget (so I claim). I was up till around 1am because I had to download some video tutorials he noticed I was awake (I’m sure you all would be wondering how, maybe na spirit). Dude pinged me and I replied, and  he asked why I was still awake,  I told him I was working and he was like “go to bed it is late”. I told him I slept at noon just for the purpose of work and I had to complete all I planned on doing. The next thing he said was that I’m too stubborn. I expected him to be happy that I was trying to do something tangible for myself. We argued that night and I politely told him I had to finish. He Then said …”or you are chatting with your secret admirer?” I was broken because it meant he was accusing me of cheating. I was hurt and I couldn’t concentrate that night so I went to bed without telling him goodnight.
After some days he spoke to me as if nothing happened, I kept forgiving and ignoring  but I wasn’t silent about it totally. Our relationship got back to normal but he kept on with his emotional blackmail. I overcompensated by texting him morning and night to impress him and make him stop.

Some days before valentine’s day I eventually discovered that he didn’t care about me. I asked him how we were going to celebrate and he was like his schedule was tight. I called him around past 12am to wish him happy vals day and asked him to try to keep in touch even though I understood his schedule was tight. He obliged but didn’t keep to his words. A male friend requested to take me out but I refused because I didn’t want to hurt him. My friend was angry and didn’t understand but I didn’t mind because I wanted to please my boyfriend. My boyfriend didn’t call me that day, the next day or the day after. To cut the story short, he didn’t pick my calls, he read my messages and didn’t respond. I sent a text telling him to move on  and that was when he replied me. He explained but he wasn’t straight forward. He called me to check up on me and I told him I was fine.After some days I called also, not to patch up our broken pieces, but to check up on him. For about two weeks we didn’t communicate.

I wanted him to know that I bore no grudge against him so I called, he still tried playing with my emotions and told me he missed me that he just needed me to clear my  head. I ended things since that time and I’m grateful I left that toxic relationship for good.

Till next post!

Please if you have a story please send me a mail through my contact me page and I will definitely get back to you. Thanks!

My Silly Relationship Story: We Met on Instagram!

I really haven’t been the lucky girl with a long and stable relationship story… I have had Lotta Bad dudes (No names), I guess it’s also because I like people easily… I have lots of hilarious love stories, but I’ll tell this one.

So he “slid into my DM” on Instagram during a period in my life that I was very much single and had this hunger: A stable relationship from a matured guy that would lead to marriage and we would love each other forever. Voila! after checking his pictures I replied his message and he requested for my number and we started chatting a lot on Whatsapp, constant telephone calls and so on…. You know that feeling that you swear to yourself that he is the right one?

We didn’t meet in person early on, due to the fact that we stayed incredibly far from each other. We eventually met on a friend’s birthday. He picked me up along the way to drop me at her place. Instead of Mr. “Slide into dm” to drive straight to her house, he drove past her bus stop. I asked him why he didn’t take the turn and he told me we were going to his house. My heart skipped a beat mehn! I was hella scared. I got more scared because we had spoken about going to his place and my stand was no. (we had just met!) dude was trying to play smart. I was in the in love euphoria, I didn’t notice that his disrespect of my opinion was a red flag on the first date. Calming my nerves and yours my amazing reader, he just changed his shirt and we got going. (Wait, what? you mean he drove home just to change his shirt)

Fast forward to one time that he asked me to come and spend a weekend in his house, I traveled from school to see “slid into dm” guy. Don’t blame me, I went in the name of Love. I thought to myself, “what’s the worst that would happen?” We weren’t having sex and trust me I actually appreciated the fact that he was patient even though stupid!

I got to his house that weekend and he told me he was broke. Being the understanding girl I was, I went out to the market and fixed the scenario! (the way to his heart is through his big belly!). This dude, in his “brokeness” went out and got fuel worth 15k into his car (Guys, let’s settle this right now is it really true that your car is number one bae) ,
Back to the cooking story, guy did not come down to help or stay with me in the kitchen, he didn’t even say thank you to me (sobs). He rather made an observation – his friend was cleaning the parlor, that was my job (in his house at least), I should be ashamed. It hit me real hard then. We were not married and he expected wifely duties as an entitlement, because he didn’t give any appreciation.

Lesson learnt: Basically people might look at me and say her relationships don’t last but I know my worth that I’m a queen so I can’t allow any less in my life. The funny thing is that this guy came back, because he knew all I did for him. I did all I did for love, and I know it looks funny now, but it wasn’t funny then.

Advice: My dear ladies my advice is that you build on your success, have lots of casual friends(as far as it depends on you, don’t be consumed by this, one loyal friend is better that 100 casual friends). Because no one wants to be lonely, and trust me when
you’re successful and content with being on your own, like Ruth in the Bible, Boaz would notice you and come your way.

Yours, till the next story.

 

 

 

And that’s it for today, lovely readers, stay tuned to next week’s silly story!

My Silly Relationship Story: He Looked Great Till He Spoke

Hello there! I have been thinking of a way to make my blog more interesting and I decided to start this new Tuesday feature. It’s going to roughly be a 4-minute read of funny, bizzare, weird and emotional relationship experiences from different women all around. You can be a part of this journey by sending me a mail at lprojectletters@gmail.com with your story, your cover image and your contact details if you run a blog. Or you may not if you want to be anonymous.

So this is me about to tell you my silly relationship experience. Truth is I have several of ’em and I’m still thinking of which one to put up here as at time of writing this. But hey, this one I chose is really silly.

I met this dude and I fell in love with him (sorry, his looks) immediately. I was telling my friends that I really liked him and that maybe God brought him my way for a reason. Now I’m a big day dreamer, so day dreaming about him was my night time movie!

His name? (Hell no!) I’m not telling, but let’s call him Bad Guy. Bad guy was all shades of cute, well to me and I honestly (really trying to make myself believe now) liked him. He was that dark, creamy(I don’t know what that is really and why all these parentheses though?) guy that looked nice as heaven in black (now my besties will know who this is). He was shy in a cute way, but it turned out later on that he knew exactly what he wanted.

I remember the first day I spoke to him, I froze, I couldn’t find the words to say and I was trying to make an impression. After that day, we started texting and talking on phone. In the early stages of our conversations, I noticed we didn’t flow too well, our conversations were kind of forced.

After a week of talking, Bad Guy assumed we were dating and I was still like I want him, but he’s not God-fearing enough, there’s no connection and all till we kissed. The kiss defined our relationship status, guys! my friend’s were like who kisses a man and automatically says they are in a relationship? I hid under the assumption that I couldn’t kiss a guy and not be with him. I told him how I didn’t do sex and make-out before marriage and he pretended to agree.

He bought me gifts and stuff and always said he will marry me, of course I didn’t believe that because I had heard that before and I knew it was not true. I was in that relationship and I felt horrible because I was forcing it and we had no conversations, He knew nothing about me and didn’t tell me things. Our conversations used to go “Hey sup”. I hated this and I told him many times but he always did the same. He never called me to ask how I was, how school was or about my life, but bad guy was never slow to say I miss kissing you, hugging you, I want to hold you. Everytime I reminded him that we were not making out he said that he was sorry, but he would do it the next second.I remember once, we just talked about abstaining from sexual activity and he seemed to agree and immediately we ended the conversation, he was at my back trying to tease me, kiss me.

That was painful, however, I still convinced myself that he was a good guy and I was being melodramatic about everything. I remember one other time that I was really ill and I wanted to stay home and get better, but he wouldn’t hear that. He got angry that I didn’t want to see him. I was like, hey dude! I’m ill and I need to get better, but he wanted me to come and see him and your girl did, lol!

I finally got the courage to end the situationship with him, it hurt for like two days and I was back to living the normal life. If you ask me about regrets I had, I would say yes.Yes because I didn’t take all of his money and run him dry and get guys to beat him up (totally kidding), on a more serious note, yes because I walked blindly into the arms of a man that didn’t respect me, my beliefs and that had no interest in me at at all. Most of all, I judged the container before the content. He looked great till he spoke! He was empty.

Yours, till our next Tuesday story.

3 Shocking Facts Men Need You To Know About Them

Hello there, I’m here with my fifth (oops, sorry) final fact on men that I put up recently. This last fact is on something we are all guilty of as ladies, it’s crazy that it is a big deal, or even a deal at all, but somehow, it got in my list. So here it is:

He doesn’t give unsolicited support

Again, I’m pulling tips from John Gray’s book  because I feel he totally hit the nail on the head. From his book, I learnt that as women, we tend to believe that we don’t need to ask a man for support, help or his time. This stems from the fact that we intuitively feel the needs of others and give what we feel they need, we expect men to feel the same.

Our natural belief route will be something like “if he loves me, he will offer his support without my asking”. Ocassionally, we would purposefully not ask as a test to see if he really loves us. It goes on like this that we keep giving, expecting him to give back, but he doesn’t, because he thinks that if we needed something from him, we would ask. When we decide to ask, it looks like it is a demand and demands don’t go well with guys. We (women) may end up feeling like if we have to ask, it doesn’t count.  It’s great to think this way, but the formula for this problem says that men are not wired like us, they are not intuitively wired to offer their support.

I caught myself saying yeah! all through my reading the chapter of the book that contained this fact. It was easy to relate with, there are so many times in your relationship that you’re going to need him to stop doing something or to keep doing something, maybe spend more time with you, help you with something, take you out or call you more often and as much as it feels ideal that you should’nt have to tell him when you need his help, it would be great to put in some effort to make your relationship more enjoyable because by asking, you get what you want and he feels like a superhero meeting your needs.

Till my next Post….

3 Shocking Facts Men Need You To Know About Them

Hello favourite readers! Here is this listicle to ladies who like me have been in relationships or are in one but have no clue. I’m totally here for you, because I know exactly what it means to be with someone you love so dearly and yet get hurt.

I originally named this post ” 5 Surprising facts you didn’t know abut the man you love”.Two things, I don’t know what my obsession with 5 is, and I don’t want to bore you with 5 facts! Oh Lol.

In school then, we would scribble mathematical formulas in our palms or cram them just so we didn’t forget because in maths, it doesn’t matter how intelligent or good you are if you don’t know the formula to apply. This also applies to relationships, you need to know what works and what doesn’t work, yeah I know some people would say they don’t do rules, they like to be themselves, but a great relationship is the result of two dedicated individuals working hard at making it work. Here below are some interesting facts you can easily remember about the man in your life. If your relationship is awkward already, it’s not late to get in line with these tips.

  • He wants your respect

A Survey ran on 400 men by Shaunti Feldhahn got me astonished and gave me a clearer understanding of the difference between both sexes. The research asked men to pick between two options: “to be alone and unloved in the world” or “to feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone”. 73.8% of men said they’ll rather be alone and unloved in the world than take disrespect.

Another instance where the male need for respect hit me was in the movie “Fireproof” Caleb Holt (Kirk Cameron), in a conversation with his father made this statement; “seems like I am a hero to everyone in the world except my wife”. Men want respect, Women want love. Respect is not saying tremble at his feet and call him “my lord”, it’s in little things like appreciating him, asking for his help and  publicly respecting him.

 

  • When he pulls back, it’s not you!!

From our understanding about ourselves, it is safe to say that women reward people with words and time, so if I’m talking to you, I like you and if I don’t, aint no way I’m talking to you, however, guys don’t operate this way, their withdrawal is born from a different source. Dr. John Gray, in his Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus gives insight on this that is relatable:

“At such times, he becomes increasingly distant, forgetful, unresponsive, and preoccupied in his relationships and he is incapable of giving a woman the attention and feeling that she normally receives and certainly deserves. His mind is preoccupied, and he is powerless to release it. If, however, he can find a solution, instantly he will feel much better and come out of his cave; suddenly he is available for being in a relationship again.”

Dr. John advises us to not try to  have intimate conversations with him when he is in his ‘cave’ but to talk about problems with friends or have fun and go shopping. Who knows, he might snap out of it faster.

Watch out for the last shocker next week.

 

 

 

2 Surprising Traits Men Find Attractive in women Besides looks.

It’s funny when we see a guy that we like, for example and he’s there hitting it big with some other girl that isn’t half the lady we are, from her blogpost on 10 highly attractive Traits in women (that have nothing to do with looks),  Dharam Barrett says that although men are still attracted by nice head of hair and beautiful body, the staying factor is most important. The staying factor here is what keeps the man glued even when you’ve been together for long enough.

These two points I’ll be listing are a few out of many traits men find attractive in women, but they are my favourite to note. Comment down other traits you feel men would find attractive, I’ll really love to hear from you.

  1. Passion

Men find it really intruiging when a woman is in pursuit of her interests even when she is in a relationship with them. He would be happy to know that you spend some of your time developing your passions. It could be playing an instrument, acting, reading, learning a particular language, just anything that you devote time to everyday. A simple technique I’ve learnt is the GRAB 15 technique by Dru Scott Becker that encourages you to spend 15 minutes everyday to get better at something you love. It’s that easy, at the end of the year. you will have spent 78 quality hours in developing your passions. Go girl, take the 15 challenge today.

Ever seen this image?

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2. Kindness

Isn’t this shocking? Kindness of all traits, it’s true. From her post on How To Attract Men, Brooke Blue shared about a study on 10,000 subjects that asked both sexes what quality they preffered most in their partners; kindness took the lead. It’s funny how people are taught to stand up for themselves, but are not taught kindness, men look out for a woman that is not only nice to them and their friends, but also to people that add no value to them. Be kind to people today, you never know who is watching.

Dear Right man: A note to all women

The post for all women looking for right in their left defaults. 

Searching for the man that would love, cherish and praise you. The man that would chase you, everyday. The sexy, cute and God fearing man that would spend hours talking to you, drive miles to see your face and ask you to marry him in the most romantic way.
When I had a quarrel then in my relationship, he really wanted me to be strong and not show it to everyone who cared to know, I badly wanted to also, but it just couldn’t happen because inside I was a wreck, and it’s only what you have that you can give. I needed to get to that place where I understood what being a phenomenal woman meant, to that point where I wasn’t inspired to be strong because of what I saw around me, or what he wanted, but because of what I knew inside me about treating your man like a king.
I remember trying to make him the right man without wanting to be the right woman, I wanted him to call me beautiful but I didn’t tell him I respected him, I wanted him to spend more time with me but I never appreciated the time he sacrificed to spend with me. I wanted him to be great but I didn’t tell him how great I thought he was.
That’s how we all want perfect without willing to give anything that would benefit the other, we give what we want to receive and not what they want to receive and we scream, I’ve been giving, giving and giving. It’s great to give but you give what they need not what you would have them give you in return. Love is as intentional as going to the bank to pay your school fees, you find out how much the school wants and you pay that amount, definitely you’re getting enlightenment back. I needed to get rid of the negative mindset, to stop using shallow internet tips to solve the effects of my issues instead of dealing directly with the root cause, the result usually was me being happy for a while, thinking I could handle it and then the next missed call, unread message for three hours, I’m busy doing this would, shatter me. What then was strength and how could I get it. It’s that strength that keeps you when everyone is against you, the strength that would keep you when you get married and your Mother-in-Law keeps asking for a child, the strength that would keep you when his secretary calls him by 3am for ‘business’ the strength that would keep you when he can’t talk for two weeks, that would keep you when he’s pulling away from you, when you’re worried he doesn’t love you anymore.
Where can you get this strength, that would untie the knots of pain that have been tangled In your heart, I needed to realize that the source of your strength matters, if the strength had to carry you through all life’s issues, then it had to be inexhaustible, so I crossed out man, food , alcohol, friends, temporary solutions to this problem. They only lasted for a while and hurt me double when their effect faded.
But there was one, He had been there from the start. Funny how the one you think didn’t care is actually the one that cared most, because I had called out to him severally and He was right there watching, saying go through this Dara, I know it hurt but I’m not the enemy, I won’t stop your trial but I’ll go you strength to carry on, because after you’re pressed, shaken and beaten just like an olive, you’re going to produce such sweet smelling demeanor that would reach out even to the deadest hearts. He had always been there, He is the inexhaustible source of strength, He helps every time, may be you should stop running from the situation you’re in, stop asking Him to end it, rather ask Him for strength and receive it. Tell Him to give you strength when no guy walks up to you, when all your friends are engaged and you aren’t, when your man pulls away, when he’s too busy to talk to you, ask Him to fill you up with love that you can’t do it all by yourself.

“And I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being”

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Image reference: aujpoj. Great blog! Y’all should check it out.