whereisGodwhenit hurts

My Breakdown Story

Posted on by loveproject

Today, I had a mini-breakdown, I began to doubt that God truly loves me. In my head, if He loves me, He should answer my prayers, He should hear me out. I have a list of about 5 things right now that I’ve been praying to God for since March and I’m really feeling the pressure from outside for those needs to be met, but I’ve not seen any positive response yet.

I’ve cried, prayed, spoken the word and believed and nothing really changed. Sometimes (ooops, many times) I tell God that I’m angry at Him and that I will never pray to Him again because He doesn’t hear me.

During the time I was crying today because of what I wanted God to do that had not been done, I began to remember all the other things that I had prayed for that are still pending and I got angrier at God. At a point, I began to tell God that it was hard but I still wanted His love to cover me. So I was trying to wipe my tears and praying to God to help me.

It was a crazy moment for me and for a second, I felt I couldn’t trust God anymore, and as much as I don’t understand, somehow the thing worked. I’ve been praying for Him to root me in His love and I guess I’m in the process. All thanks to God!

 Be careful—watch out for attacks from Satan, your great enemy. He prowls around like a hungry, roaring lion, looking for some victim to tear apart. 9 Stand firm when he attacks. Trust the Lord; and remember that other Christians all around the world are going through these sufferings too. 1 Peter 5:8-9 (TLB)

In The Valley of Pain (pt3)

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God loves us, we’ve heard this and it’s beginning to sound like a broken gramophone record, if He really loves us, why would He let us go through the pain we feel sometimes. We cry out to Him to help us sort what we are going through out and it seems like an endless cycle because we still end up feeling horrible.

The pain might be break-up, friends not giving you the attention you deserve or general lack in your life. Does God allow us go through the pain so that we would be able to help those who go through them later on?

God really does love us and He sees what we go through, He allows us to cry and feel the pain so strongly and this has been the point of argument for most atheists – How can a God who claims to love us allow us go through pain? The truth is that I don’t know but one thing I know is that I have been through pain a lot of times in my life and so many times it has felt like God was not there, I called Him names and told Him I wasn’t going to trust Him ever again because I felt He just did not hear me. I used all the words in my vocabulary to try to get Him to say something but He was still quiet.

The total message here is that He loves us even in the pain, God does not let us go through the pain because He does not love us, His silence whispers His love. God is calling as many of us today that have reached the end of the plank and are ready to give up on trusting Him. He never fails, He has never failed and He certainly would not. Let Him work on your heart because HE IS MORE CONCERNED WITH THE STATE OF YOUR HEART THAN YOUR SITUATION. He will solve your situation, but let Him deal with your heart first.

Then, when that happens, we are able to hold our heads high no matter what happens and know that all is well, for we know how dearly God loves us, and we feel this warm love everywhere within us because God has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. Rom 5:5 (The Living Bible)

In The Valley of Pain (Pt. 2)

Posted on by loveproject

What really happens when we pray? We say “God I want love, peace, money, healing, a job or friends, clarity”, but none of these prayers seem to get answered. Before my 21st birthday, I had a few things that I wanted God to do for me, I even asked God for a birthday gift and I received none (none that I can see at least). I’m thankful for the gift of life, that’s awesome and the gift of protection and provision. Back to my birthday story, I didn’t get to do all I planned because I was broke and not too happy.

What really happens to our prayers when the God that tells us to pray said that we should ask anything in Jesus name and we have it? People want the real stuff, the unadulterated stuff that works on a grumpy Monday, laid back Tuesday, crazy Wednesday, grey Thursday and a Terrific Friday. We want the foolproof stuff that gives guarantee for tomorrow.

How do we find these answers? are they in prayers, tears, praise or waiting? What’s the good stuff that keeps us healthy all the way? I think it’s personal, no one can tell you what it really is, for you, it might be just to have visible love, for some other, it’s solution to a lifelong problem and for others it’s to be rich and successful.

The question is (because we all are looking for answers, there has to be a question) what do you really need? What makes you so emotional, incomplete or helpless that if you found solution to today, every other part of your life will take significant adjustment?

When you find that thing, take time out to reflect, love and get that part of you healed up and defined because it sums up your life’s purpose most times. God’s love is real, healthy stuff, it’s not the junk that the world gives.

I will love to hear from you, share your stories with me by sending a mail to me through my contact me page or through my lprojectletters@gmail.com address.

 

I’ve had a good look at what God has given us to do—busywork, mostly. True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time—but he’s left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he’s coming or going. I’ve decided that there’s nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That’s it—eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It’s God’s gift. – Eccl 3: 9-13